i didn't expect this – YouTube Dictation Transcript & Vocabulary

1.[Music] so I uploaded my first YouTube video on my main channel in 8 months I definitely wasn't up all night like worried about it thinking about it but I was off and on thinking about this upload this morning looking at my watch oh it's almost 8 it's going to upload soon I think YouTubers know this feeling very well I think it's quite different than other platforms but there's so much pressure on the upload and the performance of a video and even being away for so long even after having done this for eight years plus I still struggle with a lot of those same feelings of like kind of worthiness and acceptance and relevancy I think is that that thing that everybody that is trying to start out on YouTube is trying to become relevant and everybody who builds a platform on YouTube is trying to stay relevant to some degree or another and so I think there is that that struggle to continue to remain seen by people and important to people and I'm not saying that's the healthiest thing in the world I don't I don't think it is at all but uh those are some of the feelings that are coming back to me now just after uploading this video so one thing that I did realize the minutes leading up to me checking how the video was doing the performance of the video the comments all that stuff was I noticed how nothing in my life changed at the time I was taking my son for a walk in his pram or stroller as you call it in I think the rest of the world but as I was walking and you know about to pop open my phone and just take a look to to kind of see if the video had gone live and and what people were saying I just took a moment to appreciate the fact that nothing changed in my life that I was still healthy Frankie was healthy he was having a great time enjoying the weather Natalie was healthy and very pregnant and I just realized that regardless of what happens regardless of what I learn when I open up this video my life will not change that much and whatever happened already happened it's it's already out there and there's nothing that I could possibly do to change it and there was something that was really calming and peaceful about that acknowledgement didn't make it any easier when I opened up my phone but I think that's that's a just a really good reminder and it's something that often helps me when I go in to kind of go back to work mode or log in to look at the performance of a video it's like not a whole lot is going to change about your life when you take a look at what has already happened I open up my phone I didn't look at the YouTube dashboard but I was just like let me just see if like I would expect that there' be probably thousand plus views at this point and the very first comment that I saw keep in mind the video title is why I Disappeared the top comment was didn't notice it's like you think about all those feelings of acceptance and worthiness and it's just like a balloon and it popped and you're like people didn't care people didn't know that I was away not only that Not only was it the top comment it got 45 up votes and then like one of the comments below that was like laugh my ass [ __ ] brutal dude like YouTube humbles you in a way that not many other platforms can I guess in a way it's like got that out of the way I think one of the things that I love most about YouTube and the audience that I've been lucky to build on this platform is the fact that it's so supportive and people like if I go into the comments within the first couple days of an upload as long as the video doesn't go like viral and take off in the algorithm I can expect the comments to be like super supportive and encouraging I you know jump back into the comments and then that's when I saw just overwhelming amounts of positivity and it's like yeah there was that one bad comment and a bunch of people uped it at the end of the day when you're making YouTube videos and you're publishing stuff out into the world you are trying to connect with people and you are trying to help people you're trying to share your experiences share your thoughts and ideas to hopefully help people along the way at least that's what I think the best version of YouTube is especially self-development YouTube so many mixed emotions being back it's like the creating of the thing was the exciting part it like I felt like myself and then the finishing the video and then scheduling it publishing it and then seeing comments come in this it's the part where it's like like why do I do this like why do I do this to myself it's it's challenging It's Tricky and I think I'm even making this video and sharing this just because I want people who are just starting out to know that this is completely normal to feel and that it is like a really hard job and it certainly not coal mining but emotionally it can be quite taxing when you are just sharing yourself that you're most vulnerable and then you get comments that just immediately knock you down all right so now I'm going to do the thing that every YouTuber is terrified of doing I'm going to log in and look at my video performance it's been 2 hours now ah this never gets easy it's like logging into the YouTube dashboard God damn it if I could bottle up a feeling it would be a terrible feeling I guess I don't know where that's going if I could explain how I'm feeling right now I get genuinely nervous like I feel it I feel the anxiety like it's genuine nerves so I'm going to open it up now pretty good pretty good pretty good pretty good okay I can show you guys what I see here so this is what I I see it's ranked 3 out of 10 27,000 views in the first 2 hours so here I can click on this you can see what the other videos were that performed better than this which is a good sign it's a good sign that it's still showing up in people's feeds I think this one up here did so well because people thought that like Nat and I got divorced which whoops I'm really happy about three out of 10 of course like you know the right thing to say is that it doesn't matter like I don't care if people watch this video or not I do it for the love and you know obviously I do I do it because I love to create but you worry that like oh if I take two weeks off from YouTube or two months or a year then when I come back people aren't going to care which obviously based upon that one comment could be true at least for some people uh but your core audience the people that you've built trust with and a relationship with will be ready to support you when you come back and you do have the capabilities the skills and the mindset to be able to rebuild um even if you've taken some time away and so this is incredibly rewarding and encouraging for me to see that people are still showing up even if I logged in and this video was 10 out of 10 it would have felt much worse it probably would have ruined my day if I'm being completely honest like that [ __ ] would [ __ ] would have hurt but regardless regardless of whether it was 3 out of 10 or 1 out of 10 like I'm not going to stop so yeah I want to say that it's good to be back and it it is it is it is but it's also like this is it you know I'm back to making YouTube videos again which means taking the good with the bad and doing your best to prioritize your mental health and not let YouTube destroy you that's it for today see you guys